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Those zany Brits! What’s next? No scissors?
September 1, 2009 | Tagged British laws, Culture War, San Francisco | 3 Comments
You gotta love the British Government! They banned handguns. They are collecting sharp-pointed kitchen knives. They made a gardner take down a barbed wire fence, because he might have scratched the theives that were stealing his vegetables. A Britsh judge declared that burglars are a class of citizens who deserve protection from irate homeowners. A class of citizens? I couldn’t make this stuff up. My imagination is not quite that British. (See my posts under the Category “Foreign Gun Laws.”)
Now, in their never-ending campaign to reign in the barbaric pub crawling inclinations of the “Great Unwashed,” otherwise known as British subjects or commoners, the Home Office is proposing to replace glass beer glasses with plastic ones. There is obviously a crisis here. According to a BBC report, about 5,500 subjects are the victims of glass attacks every year in England and Wales. I’m sure the figures from Scotland were too horrible to report.
Professor Eugene Volokh of the Volokh Conspiracy estimated that this works out to about one attack with a glass or bottle for every 1,000,000 pints served, assuming all attacks are conducted with pint containers. “If it only saves one pint…,” as the saying goes.
Where will it end? I’m sure the Home Office has detailed plans to take away sharp-pointed scissors. How about those deadly umbrella tips? The Brits carry a lot of umbrellas. Hard-soled shoes could be used to kick and stomp innocent commoners. Maybe they should get rid of those hard soles, or is it hard souls?
Belts! Belts can be used as weapons. Read Kipling’s stories and poems. Belts can be used to strangle innocent commoners. Forks have those sharp tines on them. I don’t know if commoners should be allowed to have forks.
I’ve got it. The British Home Office should force all commoners to wear soft-soled slippers. No belts or suspenders for them! It’s hard to assault somebody, if you are holding up your pants with both hands. We won’t even talk about bra straps. No scarves, feather boas, or eye glasses. (You could cut somebody with the lenses.)
All umbrellas must have rounded tips. The subjects can use soft plastic spoons and drink from plastic sippy cups. Wait! Forget the sippy cups. That projection on the top could be used to put out someone’s eye. OK. Just plastic cups without projections.
No chop sticks! No ball points or fountain pens! No shoe laces! All pub and restaurant furniture should be bolted to the floor. A thrown chair can be a weapon of mass destruction.
Darts? Darts? Darts in a British pub? Don’t even think about darts! Have you seen the points on those things? Maybe floppy darts with suction cups on the ends…
Who are we kidding here? The Brits should just handcuff their subjects at all times or restrain them with those shock bracelets that deliver a taser-like jolt in the event of misbehavior.
I would laugh myself silly over the antics of our British cousins, if the Liberal proponents of American gun control didn’t think that the Home Office has the right idea. Be afraid of the Nanny State. Be very afraid. Whether it’s gun control or socialized medicine, the Liberal statists want to control every aspect of your existence.
Don’t believe me? Find out what happens to you in San Francisco, if you don’t sort your recyclables and garbage into the right bins. (See my post, “San Francisco proposes ‘Garbage Police.’ Am I psychic or what?” dated 08-01-08 tagged “San Francisco,”)
Def Mech
Comments
3 Comments so far
Enjoyed your rant. Makes me feel better when I have one. As a “zany Brit”, I should like to concur with your assessment of just how b….y bad life in the UK is becoming under a system led by control freaks. I’m pleased to say my home still has several pairs of scissors – all for different purposes and each useful, though I shan’t tell the authorities in case they bring in a ban or decide to license them. Being a registered firearm owner, with Victorian designed rifles and revolvers and Georgian designed percussion pistol, I can assure you that I am very tightly controlled by the state’s police. Moreover, to pay for policing failures before the infamous Dunblane murders, my Olympic spec’ pistols were seized by the state – the so-called ‘handgun ban of 1997/98. Note that I consider the police service now not as uniformed citizens with special powers and working for the community with their consent, as originally set up in Sir Robert Peel’s day, but as a police force under state control; a potentially very dangerous situation, as borne out by history. (see Peter Hitchens book: ‘A Brief History of Crime: The Decline of Order, Justice and Liberty in England’ ISBN 1843541483; here’s a man who has sussed the situation we find ourselves in)
However, whilst I am with you on the debate over the issue of gun ownership – let the good guys have them but deny the bad guys – I feel I should advise caution when you refer to “socialized medicine”. If you refer to the UK’s National Health Service (NHS) I know that the idea is beneficial to the less well off. The problems we have are due to micro-management by government. Instead of letting the professionals – the medical staff and immediate management – get on with the job, politicians manipulate the NHS by target setting for political purposes and short term gains. I’m sure the politicians mean well but when the party machine gets rolling…..!
I’m sure you can answer my question. Is SB-2099 a hoax or is it for real. i.e listing all owned guns on federal tax form- fingerprinting- tax on each gun, etc. This would be the last straw so I hope you can tell me it’s not for real. Many thanks, Dale
SB 2099 is a hoax. It is an echo of a bill that was killed in 2,000. See my post on 2099 under the Category, “Conspiracy theories.”
Def Mech